Saturday, October 22, 2016

It's Getting Kind of Hectic - At The Office pt. 5

MORNIIIINNNNGGG ! 

    At least, for me it is. It's Saturday which means I get a few extra hours to sleep! Sort of. I woke up at 6am this morning, like I do for work. I tried to go back to bed but then I realized I had like 100,000 things to do. First of all my boss has me running around scrambling to complete a thousand tasks. I feel like I'm completely screwing up because there are at least 3 things I have left on plate at the end of the day that I didn't finish when I should've. I feel like I might be talking to much instead of progressing and it's not good. I want to do a good job at this place because the money is decent and I get along well with the staff. There's nothing that makes me breakout more than stress from being in a place I hate. 
 This place is really chill and the people are genuinely great. I get along with literally everyone and in  regards to the few mindless followers; they don't cause any problems right now so I don't worry. It's October right now and AJ and I have been discussing different ideas for the holidays. It feels good to have someone want to do that with me. Normally it's just me wanting to decorate by myself while everyone else gawks like I'm some foreign exchange student from Nova Scotia, but AJ thinks the idea of decorating is fun and exciting and I feel totally capable of being my hyper-fashion-sensitive self around her. Even just yesterday, AJ walks out of the break room with this vibrant floral lunch pail and an excited smile spread across my lips. "Vera Bradley?" I asked and the sweetest giggle jumped out of AJ. 

"Yea!" She conceded and I was so happy she cared at least a little about brands. Sutra was straddling a chair in front of me and he shook his head at the two of us like we were naive school girls. I didn't mind, minutes earlier he'd given me some book on silly evolution theories but I was so happy to get it. I slid my fingers down it's rough spine while it was sitting on the top of his supply cabinet. "You like to read? You should borrow that one." he chirped. I reached for it and grazed the cover with my fingers. For a while he went on about scientists discovering interesting things collected from aquatic monkey shit. I bit the inside of my cheek, compelling myself not to roll my eyes at the outlandish tales and it was easy to distract myself because Sutra was wearing an amazing pair of jeans that pressed against his thighs and calves so perfectly. I didn't tell him that I believe evolution is a joke, or that I'm a Christian or that I think I want to move in on him, instead I clutched the book tightly to my chest and nodded dutifully then backed out of the room as gracefully as I could muster. By now both my coworkers know I have a thing for Sutra. They think it's hilarious and I wish I could laugh too but instead I'm busy drooling over him. I try to act nonchalant especially since he's 15 years older than me and has a tendency to treat me like I'm a toddler. I try to remain calm, remember not to talk so much and leave when it's appropriate. Sometimes Sutra asks me pointedly to "leave the door open" if I walk into his office and it irritates me like nothing else. He tries to overload me with work but I don't hate him for it, I just don't like working. Whenever I get the chance I look at him in a way that will hopefully get to him but then I realize he's so nice I really don't want to being some seductive vixen. In lighter news, A was dressed so sexily yesterday. Her body is such perfect engineering it makes me unsure of myself, and her loose blonde hair is always styled in a cute top knot or bun. She clunks in her heels which leads me to believe she's never learned to properly lock her knees but she makes up for it with that adorable Russian accent and pouty set of lips. I don't feel competition just admiration, and her husband The Boss, shows her off like the euroBarbie she is. I aspire to be that thin. 
Instead,
 my chunks fill my high waist American Apparel denim jeans like frosting in a bag and sometimes I feel like a Kevin Gates music video extra. I find myself tugging at my skin, stuffing it into my jeans hoping I don't look like a total slut. I get complimented a lot so I tell myself it's just me, but sometimes it's a little vexing. 

Luigi brings great entertainment to the office and I end up spending the day filing, typing making calls, designing and joking back and forth with him and AJ. Right now The Boss needs a new order of business cards and I'm in charge of the full process from Design to Print. I feel excited and I'm not too concerned over it because I've designed and ordered products for a company before. The woman, however, at the printing company is giving me this long spiel about how it will take at least 4 days and we can't print the coating on that thick of a card and blah blah blah. I want to shake her and tell her she'd better make it happen or The Boss will have my head but she probably wouldn't move any faster. Anyway, now it's Saturday, and in between emailing and texting the Printer lady and The Boss and Sutra--trying to coordinate the card thing--I'm also planning to take my sibling out around town. 

Maybe eat somewhere in La Cantera and then try on Halloween Costumes at Spirit. My mum's birthday is today and we plan on going to get the rest of her birthday presents today as well, while she's out at a wine vineyard with her friend. I hope she doesn't splurge all of her BDay money on wine, but knowing my mom she might come close. My dad's batshit attitude has cooled down and he's even helped pitch in financially for my mum's special day. I'm so happy the waves have died down for now, and I feel like everyday is more and more blessed. Just yesterday (after work) I even got Chipotle which I'd been craving for Weeks and I even opted out of buying weed. I feel like I'm maturing a little bit and now I also have money so I can start treating my family to the finer things again! Right now life is looking brighter, and my sad days of unemployment are gone. I'm thankful that I'm here and I'm excited for what the future holds and what more will come of my time At The Office. Until the next adventure…


*Please, Pink Responsibly.

Monday, October 17, 2016

The Bizarre - At The Office pt. 4

Good evening everyone.

    Today the bizarre took place.
I'm not sure what it was about today but it was weird. I went in this morning all bright-eyed and fresh-faced ready to start my Monday right. I was so hoping someone would bring pastries of some form because I skipped breakfast (per usual) and I was starting to regret it. I don't know if it has to do with the Plan B I took after messing around with TrashBucketBoy but something had had my appetite in rare form. I was super hungry this morning and I was thinking about how I really should've scarfed down some cereal when I got the feeling everything would be ok. Suddenly, with supernatural result, one of The Salesman from work brought in a box of donuts for The Salesman Staff meeting. I gleamed when the sugary smell of glaze wafted around the small office space and I knew I had to have one. Three donuts later and I was content at my desk, self-consciously tugging at the hem of my too-short skirt and typing obnoxiously fast for an email. That's when the first bizarro thing took place. The meeting was in full swing when all of sudden Sutra started to get agitated at one of The Salesman, who we're going to refer to as Sultan. Sultan was allegedly fingering the keypad of his phone and completely ignoring Sutra while he gave lecture. Sultan was known for this move but Sutra usually kept his cool. All of a sudden, as I'm innocently typing a note in one of the client's online folders, I hear Sutra stop his sentence mid-word and belt out "Do you really need to do that right now? I'm speaking and you blatantly brushing me off by texting is really insulting". I stared uncomfortably into my computer screen, pretending to click links while the room grew quiet. There were about 4 other Salesmen in the room and they all stayed silent too; gawking incessantly at the awkward outburst. AJ came in from her front desk to help my officemate (who we'll assign with the alias Luigi) with some paperwork and even she ended up desperately fiddling with random files in order to ignore the tension. Sultan's masculinity was challenged and he petulantly went back and forth with Sutra until his pride consumed him and he stormed out of the room. We all remained stagnant as I silently fantasized about Sutra raising his sexy voice at me. I want to kiss him. I wanted to laugh at the roasting but instead I continued as a dutiful slave and finished typing my email. Sutra apologized for the carnage and continued his lecture. The remaining Salesmen leaned in to gather as much knowledge as they could from Master Sutra and he covertly reveled in the fact that he knew more on the subject than they did. I rolled my eyes at his pretentiousness but I slightly loved him for it. After a long while of him discussing the Blah times the This times the That of Those equals Something or Other my mind caught a few buzzwords he'd mentioned and I began to jot them down. Azimuth is the only one that I remember as I write this and so I Googled the definition while he was busy teaching. I knew, eventually, I would have the opportunity to bring up my newly studied word and I knew it would please Sutra to believe that I cared for such a topic. My feeling was right and, somewhere between the 30-35 min. mark of their 7-hour meeting one of The Salesman decided to apologize to me for invading my office space (which doubles as the conference room) for so long. "It's fine" I smiled bashfully, "I'm actually learning a few things…". Sutra looked up from his notes and gazed in my direction; his wild mane tied back into a low knot. "Oh yeah? Like what?" He breathed, a sweet hopeful grin spread across his lips causing the corners of his eyes to crease slightly which turned my knees into cooked spaghetti. 
"Oh you know, like, Azimuth ?" I pronounced demurely even though I was absolutely certain I'd pronounced it right.
Sutra's Crest White teeth sparkled and a look of satisfaction and infatuation danced in his eyes.

 I wanted to pull at my skirt again for him, but instead I smiled shyly and quickly swiveled my chair around to face my desk again. 
Now, there was a TV monitor all the guys were using to review crap for the meeting for and it was plugged into the wall right beside Luigi's desk. There were apparently no available extension cords and there were also no outlets close enough to use either, so one of The Salesmen plugged it stretching across the room into Luigi's wall outlet. This caused the cord to stretch relatively taught from the wall to the back of the TV which in turn forced everyone walking back and forth, in and out of the room, to take huge--literally knee-to-chest--steps over it in order to 1) avoid absolutely eating dirt due to tripping and 2) abstain from ripping the connection from the TV. Luigi clomped over it and AJ did the same, awkwardly landing each foot over the cord. When it came time for me to step over I--being the complete over-thinker that I am--decided it wasn't enough to try and gracefully swing each leg over but instead to do it in the most Fran-Drescher-esque way possible, complete with little hands up and a sweet little *Oof!* every now and again for effect. The Salesmen ate it like Christmas Ham and I knew I was exciting Sutra in the process. I think Sutra wants to stay away from me sometimes, to be truthful. He's afraid of himself and I feel the same way about my own personality. I don't want Sutra to jeopardize his marriage and I certainly don't want to be with a married guy but My God the man is perfect. Anyway, sidebar over. The next time I had to step over I was coming back into the office, trying to reach my desk. Sutra--and the other Salesmen, evidentially all--enjoyed watching me exit the room, with one heeled foot landing over the cord burlesque-style then the other. But I did it slowly for Sutra. He was the reason for the show. When I came back, I began again, keeping my arms up by my side like a Disney Princess and attempting to toss one leg over the cord. When I'd successfully reached the other side I heard a garbled teasing-laugh from Sutra. I looked up quickly and saw him, studying me, my body, the length of my Hindu-oiled legs. I wanted him to like it and I know that he did. Today, Sutra was also wearing a pair of form fitting jeans. Medium/Dark wash and they held his ass so well. I'd never seen Sutra in denim before and I was so happy when I did. Sutra paired his denims with brown leather boots and a basic small-print plaid button-up with the sleeves messily pushed up. A few of the top buttons on his shirt were left undone and I could see small wisps of hair on his chest. Normally this would make me gag, but for Sutra, it added to his earth-god persona. Sometime's Sutra seems to flirt with me, and say little things to make me feel like it's not just me wanting him so badly and yet all the same he acts like I'm his lesbian-cousin/business partner. I think he catches himself dreaming of inappropriate things he'd love to whisper to me someday and it scares him. He thinks 'I'm getting way too friendly with this girl I need to chill' and so in one instantly his warm glow will become rigid and cold. I want to touch Sutra in a few areas, like the small of his back, the arch of his nasal bone and the back of his neck. When I touch the back of his neck I want it to be with all five fingers, wrapping gently around the shaved hair beneath his long knots and pulling his mouth onto mine. I dream of his Yoga-toned chest, with it's adornment of hair and sculpted biceps hovering over a skillet as he prepares a vegetarian breakfast for the two of us. 

I can see his wild locks draping over his bare chest and shoulders as he tries to make a joke out of a boring topic like Photons and Tax Credit reduction.

 I'm not sure how healthy it is for me to work around him but I've no other choice at the moment. So, in any matter, my day goes by and I keep myself occupied with tasks, hoping I don't tremor with desire for my Practically-Boss when the next totally bizarre thing took place. So, 2:45 or so rolls around and I'm nearing the end of my lunch break. I was finishing up my home-packed salad and sweetly flirting with a young Salesmen boy we'll call Red. He was entertaining enough and had a heavenly-sculpted nose. I wasted the rest of my break away giggling and playfully taunting Red, all the while wishing it was Sutra instead, when AJ walks by me. Her perfect chest aptly bouncing in her modest teal business-casual blouse and her unflattering 3-inch black pointed pumps patting against the flat office-carpet. I looked up and we exchanged pleasant smiles and she continued on to her desk. Red and I wrapped up our banter, I punched back in on my TimeCard and proceeded to my desk for my final few hours of work. After about 25 minutes the salad, the donuts, the 4 glasses of water and the 3 cups of coffee I'd downed began to churn away in my bowels. I felt a movement coming so I stood in the most ladylike-but-still-need-to-shit way I could and excused myself. When I walked to the front I noticed AJ's computer monitor was shut off and her purse was gone. All her files were put away but her Coffee Thermos was still there. I questioned her location but nature's call was more important. When I grabbed the bathroom key I thought, Hmm, if the key is here, AJ must not be in the restroom? I clicked down the glossy stone stairs and into the next Suite where the bathroom was located down a hall. When I came upon the door I saw that it was locked and the light and fan were on. If the shit wasn't already bubbling in my intestine it was now. I paused, unsure of what was happening so I went back and discussed my findings with Luigi. At this rate The Boss' wife A was already aware of AJ's sudden departure and she was just as confused as the rest of us. Luigi explained how A was clearly not happy with the surprise and had attempted to reach AJ 3 or 4 times with no response. I began to panic and Luigi suggested I see if AJ was passed out on the toilet or something. I clicked back down the stairs, down the hall to the restroom again this time knocking loudly and repeatedly to try and wake AJ if she really were knocked out. When I didn't hear any noise I crouched down on my hands and knees and peaked under the slit of the door. There were no feet, no hands not body at all. I decided to take care of my own intestinal situation and then came back into the office. AJ had not retuned and at this point no one could get a hold of her through text, call email or anything. When Sutra saw the worry in my brow he bit a small piece of his bottom lip then reached down and tapped his phone screen to life.  "Here, look" he calmly said placing the device gently into my palms. "I text her, and now we'll just wait to see what she says. I'm sure it was an emergency with her kid, everything's fine." I didn't care that badly about what had happened to AJ because her car was gone which indicated to me that she may have just cracked and quit but Sutra was being so attentive to my mood that I squeezed the "I'm scared, hold me!" card of every last drop. Sutra's intuition was somehow on-the-nose because 15 minutes later, AJ texts back saying exactly Sutra's prediction--that there was an emergency with her kid. The stranger things began to die down after we discovered AJ's location, but Luigi continued to fill my mind with conspiracies that pertained to the previous events. "Why would she leave without notifying a single soul?! Why would she need to rush and pick up her kid from  daycare at 3 o clock when DayCare Centers don't close until 5 or 6? How come no one could get a hold of her not even A??" All these questions--which were already prevalent in my mind--began ringing louder as Luigi pressed on. Finally Sutra told me to continue working and not worry about what happens when/if AJ ever comes back. I obeyed him and the rest of my day was peaceful and smooth. Now it's midnight and I'm off to dreamland again before the rooster crows at 6am. I haven't decided what I'll wear yet and I haven't figured out how I'll handle the possibility of a new replacement for AJ or possibly being her replacement myself. I don't want to think about that, in all honesty, right now. I really like AJ she's nice and patient with me and makes me laugh hysterically. She's not fake from what I've seen and she seems to really know the business. I hope everything can be settled with her but if something else happens, of course you'll be the first to know. So, as we come to the conclusion of today's steamy mystery we find ourselves asking the ultimate questions. Will Erica get her chance at an illicit closet-romance with her eco-friendly sorta-boss Sutra? Is Sutra really even heterosexual? Will there ever be a work environment I'm in where the men salivate over a chocolate bunny like myself? Will AJ be back or is she gone for good? What exactly happened today??! ALL THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE ANSWERED (hopefully) next time on AT THE OFFICE: A TRUE STORY. And, until then of course, 

*Please, Pink Responsibly.

cheers
x

Saturday, October 15, 2016

My Hourly Rant - At The Office pt. 3

Hi everyone,

   It's Saturday and I've now officially completed my first week of work.
Things are getting a little more comfortable in the office, and whether or not that's a good thing I've not fully decided yet. Sutra's surfer-body is still in perfect form and just yesterday he was making a little joke about not being sure whether or not I felt comfortable closing the door with just the two of us in his office. Of course I'm freaking comfortable. I'm more than comfortable I'm so so so much more than comfortable Sutra. It's weird though, I saw his Facebook--and this is kind of a side bar but--the guy really Really doesn't seem straight. Seriously. He keeps mentioning how he has a wife and he has a ton of pictures of the two of them on his FB but, IMO, that girl is just his beard. I'm sorry and God Knows I want him to be straight for all intents and purposes but I really, Really don't know if he is. The first clue points at the fact that this guy is seriously a sex god yet his wife is like my left ankle. Maybe he's not as sexy as I'm thinking and I'm just in awe because of his hair, smile, brilliant mind and persona. Maybe--and judging by his older photos (like circa 2009 Myspace type shit) he very well could be considered average. So maybe I'm just beefing him up too high but honestly when I look at Sutra I see he and I having gorgeous long-haired little boys together. I picture him with a total knockout and not that I'm saying I'm that knockout but just saying he looks like he married down. I don't know I hate to sound like a jerk, and I don't want to insult Sutra's fine ass or his wife but she seriously looks like his ugly older sister and not like the sex goddess she should be. The second red flag for me was the fact that Sutra's FB pics showed off that the guy is really into dressing up in girly shit or wearing costume makeup, but often, and posing with his hands on his hips and/or with a leg cocked to one side like some little diva. It's really gay and I hope no one is offended by that comment but seriously I've had enough gay friends in my lifetime to know when a guy is--or at least knows he is but hasn't admitted that he is--gay. Who knows? Sutra may be in a position where his family wouldn't accept him or his friends would be surprised. He may have just lived a metrosexual life his entire time on earth and everyone would be shocked to find out a different truth. Maybe he does it to protect himself but perhaps he's not gay at all. I mention that because I'm coming on my third and final clue which is that the guy's old FB pics kinda indicate that maybe he was just a dork. He had some images of himself as a younger dude like High School - Early College and he's seriously wearing like a fedora and black fingerless gloves. I know, #StabMe. There's nothing more that screams Hot Topic-Loitering, Emotional Dork like black fingerless gloves. He even mentioned to me--and I'm just now remembering this--at work the other day how he liked to write in cursive because it looked better in a journal. My first thought was "OMG lie with me now; you keep a journal?! You're so deep marry me pls I need you" HAHAHA. But now as I've looked at his FB and have already had my suspicions I'm starting to wonder like, really though what guy actually journals? That's really not something dudes do, honestly because they usually just don't care. They don't feel deep enough emotions to write them down so it's kind of like…Hmmmmmm… I don't honestly know how I feel about the whole thing. I want Sutra to be straight so badly it stings. I also want him to be single, and living in my room. Then again, on the long list of things I want and still haven't had yet he's not at the top. OMG I just thought of the fact that Sutra said that to me just the other day. In his sexy playful voice he said something in response to what I was saying and it was like "Really? Hm, you seem like the kind of girl who always gets what she wants" Innuendo?! I HOPE SO! GOD I HOPE SO (۶ꈨຶꎁꈨຶ )۶ I so hope that was an underlying little joke meaning "You always get what you want so I bet you can get me if you really wanted to even though I'm taken. LOL. Am I evil? I don't wanna be. I really don't. I just want to be a normal girl sometimes--rarely, but sometimes nonetheless--who meets an average dork at community college and we both strive to get higher management positions at our garbage day jobs, getting pregnant after a couple smooth years of agreeable marriage and then stay together until death because no one else would want us. Lots of people do that! Hell my own mother and older sister did that! My best friends parents and most of my relatives too! But I can't. It's just not me. A lot of people ask me if I'm seeing someone or dating or in a relationship or married and the answer's always the same. Nope. Never had a serious boyfriend, in fact the last time I had a boyfriend I was 12. Never been serious with any guy ever. Why? Never found one worth my time. The hot ones are either vapid, arrogant, mean or a disturbing combination of the three. The ugly ones are ugly which, #SorryNotSorry, but I can't put up with you just because you cherish me and shower me with gifts and affection if you look like a knee. So, here I am, 21 years old, never had a boyfriend, only had a couple steamy novella-worthy sexcapades and I couldn't be more content. Now, listen, I would be lying if I said I was completely happy. I don't want to be alone when I'm 45, I'd like to have a husband and a few kids someday. I don't want to be some flirtatious vixen my whole life I'd like to be a cute homemaker one day but it just hasn't happened yet. I'm only 21 and I'm okay with waiting to be honest. I still feel like partying and smoking and lightly-drinking so I guess I'm not entirely ready for all that and maybe God knows that and so he's putting work and acting in my path instead of guys. Honestly seeing my parents and my sister and brother-in-law & the other couples I just mentioned I don't know if I ever want a relationship. My sister and my mom prove what a needy ignorant female can look like and I don't wanna do that to myself. My mom gets treated like shit and she would still probably never leave my dad. She needs him. She's a complete vegetable without him and it's absolutely embarrassing. My sister thinks marriage is sunshine and rainbows 24/7 because she's been married to some geek for basically 2 and half hours. She keeps trying to council my parents and be like "Oh Mom, you just need to write down what it is you want out of your marriage and then you'll get it!" I'm like…Bitch. Do you really fucking believe that. Do you REALLY think that all mom needs to do is write down her marriage goals and *blinggg* Dad will stop being a demonically-possessed cock-sucking asshole? HAHAHAHAH I'm DEADD. My parents marriage is garbage and it has been for so long. I don't know that it was ever positive. My mom was a desperate loser who'd been cheated on by most of her boyfriends and my dad was a mental-abused dork who's dad left his mom when he was 8. They were both pathetic when they met and they got married in their 20s most likely because they just liked having sex with each other and now, 32 years later, my mom is fat, balding and constantly enduring verbal/mental torture while my dad is an old, ugly, lazy, bitter piece of shit. I think the two of them would be better off dead and to be blatantly truthful my and my siblings lives would be so much more peaceful without them in it. They drain us of all spiritual peace with their constant arguments and negativity. My siblings hate their lives and it hurts me to see the depressed expressions always on their face. So, long story semi-shortened, I don't think I necessarily ever want to be married. It seems like your whole life turns to a pile of steaming shit and I'm not into it. Maybe that's the real reason I haven't committed to anyone; because my subconscious mind knows I would be utterly depressed if I ever became tied down. I mean hell I have fooled around with married guys, single guys, guys who said they didn't wanna cheat on their girlfriends etc. etc. and I've just noticed that people are too messed up to be good all the time. Could we? Absolutely, I think God makes it possible to always do what's right, but are we going to? HAHAHHA. Doubt it. Anyway, Sutra might be gay, maybe he's just flamboyant and unhappy in his weird more-like-a-friendship marriage and wants to experience something new. Maybe I can be that something new for him. Maybe I'll just mind my business and keep my head down at work and steer clear of Sutra altogether. Maybe. But probably not. I want to touch him. I want to so badly. Even just once. Even if he'd just kiss me and we'd never have to tell anyone. UGH. WHY GOD. On another note, work overall is pretty good. I really love who I work with, everyone is hilarious like me and no one has a stiff, rod-up-the-ass attitude like some employees do. We all joke and laugh and when the owner's are out we're steady laughing and playing around--still doing work--but ultimately having a good time. I put up some cute Halloween decorations too and The Boss thought they were adorable. He loved the creativity and he's even partnered me and Sutra together--bless his heart--to work as the creative department for the company. I'm focusing on writing papers and designing logos right now and it really makes me feel like I'm finally utilizing my skill set at work. It's not just boring cold-calls and filing it's actual work that keeps me busy and challenges me and sparks my interest in a weird way that I never thought could. Sutra being there is Frosting on a moist angel food cake and on top of all that heavenly goodness I also get to wear cute adorable outfits to work like heels and short skirts and they don't get all weird and the other girls in the office dress the same so I don't have to worry about being the only female in the room dressed a little saucily. All in all I hope to God I never lose this job. It makes me happy and it keeps me away from hell aka my home. I hope things get easier for me with Sutra, I hope I stop wanting The Unknown all the time and just learn to be happy with what I've got. Until that day comes, I'll be dreaming of the inappropriate things I'd whisper to Sutra while he teaches me about photovoltaic rays. I hope you guys are happy with your situations too, I hope you're all progressing and getting better and, until the next steamy story…


*Please, Pink Responsibly. 





Wednesday, October 12, 2016

*the plot thickens* At The Office Pt. 2

hey (੭ ・᷄﹏・᷅)੭ु⁾
   So it's day two of my new job. I feel ok, not completely suicidal. The job is still a Job and it's not at all what I want for myself but, it's money. I'm trying to look on the positive side of things of course. The office is always cozy and nothing like Hunt where there was constant foot-traffic and unbearable temperature conditions. I remember one of my associates JMorgan was always sweating like a hog and we'd always have to keep the temp on 20 degrees below frozen so his ass wouldn't keel over. I'm not particularly thick so body heat isn't something I've got to spare. I was always shivering with like 6 jackets and he didn't seem to mind, and of course all the other flunkies acted like they were too afraid to wake the sleeping giant when it came to touching the thermo or something. I honestly resented them for that. Anyway at this new place they don't hassle me and no one acts like I'm a monkey even though 89% of the time I feel like I'm fumbling over the same thing. Sutra comes in every day. (you can read about him here). Apparently he lives in the sister city of mine. Every time I want to focus I start to think partially of reaching out and grazing his tangled waves. He behaves kind of obnoxiously and his jeans are always very tight (completely apropos to his city) but he has an excellent set of hands that are almost as grand as his intellectual mind. Although idk… he--and The Boss actually, both--keep pronouncing the word lackadaisical as lacksadaisical and I'm like… 
THERE'S NO S AFTER THE 'LACK' PART.
   But, of course, I really say nothing because y'know I'm not the owner of a cool company or anything so who am I to correct anyone. LOL. I honestly don't want to sound like a spoiled brat. The job occupies my time and I feel good knowing I'm actually involved in this position, not just answering the phone. I like doing this job as far as boring jobs go, but I'm still daydreaming of acting as I direct a phone call or call and find the status of a claim. 

   I dream of Sutra dressing in a tux with that Holy Hair of his spilling over the sharp structure of Armani and standing behind me while I accept a Grammy. My dress is probably a long sleeve creation from Berta and my hair is sleeked back bringing attention to my cheekbones. I see it but then just as suddenly I'm back, wiping non-existent drool from the corner of my mouth and pressing Scan on the Fax Machine. It's a nice place to think about my life. I dream of all the things to come but I don't mind the people really either. Everyone's been nice to me so far, and even the gorgeous Russian A is being sweet. She looks prone to dagger your self esteem just for being inferior to her tall dainty perfection but nope, even she is actually really chill. The Boss, I'm not sure. He really seems all business. Sometimes I see a look of joy in his eyes but mostly it's numbers. Seriously when I look into his face sometimes I feel like I'm seeing those green numbers on like a Matrix code thing just flashing by, continuously moving and updating and rearranging. It's so tiresome. I think he's happy because his wife, A, seems to fall in line for the most part. I think that the two of them really do work together to build more within their business, rather than argue or disagree. Then again, looks can be deceiving…
In any matter, the other people I work with are: The Main Admin. who I'll call Admiral Jenner. I really like AJ. She's been very nice to me so far and has let me ask a million questions whenever needed. She doesn't get easily annoyed or frustrated or act like I should know how to do everything already. She also doesn't seem to mind sharing the whole Admin. role. I'm allegedly known as "Assistant Office Admin." and she's the main. She seems to be chill and not at all territorial like most females try to. The first day I was there she had on this deep-olive little number from Forever21 and I totally swooned. I guessed the brand right away basically because it was too cute to be owned by any other podunk store around these parts. She seemed kinda impressed--or maybe weirded out, idk--that I knew where she'd bought it. She was like *awkward laugh* 'wha? Huh? How did you know!' and I just explained to her what I just told you; too cute…podunk stores…etc etc. She and I get along well and I'm praying it stays this way during the duration of my time with the company. I want to lay w/ Sutra on his yoga mat. Did I mention that? What! See! There those darned thoughts go again!
  
*That feeling when I'm thinking of Sutra
   Stay willy thoughts! Stay! Uggh I'm doing it again. Just as I began to finally fade the garbage memory of TrashBucketBoy another married one comes along looking just as delicious and sweet as the Forbidden Fruit itself. I mean I think he said he has a wife and he's wearing this ring so it's like ugh *knife emoji* *coffin emoji* but… I try to be positive. 

   Sutra offers me raisin cookies and I playfully reject them partially because I don't want to burst out my already too-tight high waist American Apparel denims but mainly because I want to push the flirtatious boundary with him as much as I can before it becomes a matter of HR. Salesboys do it enough with me with no regard for S.H. Suits. But DAMNIT it always has to be the hire ups that are daddy asf. *SIGH* C'est la vie. What can be done? All I can do is take a few extra minutes in the restroom standing in front of the sink telling myself to just be cool. Self-consciously adjusting and readjusting my hair and dress. On a brighter note: At least I'm getting money. I have to remind myself of that constantly and not concern myself with anything else. I try to stay in my own lane but everytime I get hired somewhere this playful little presence in me starts to trot herself out. I start off being quaint, but after the stares, the subtle licking or biting of the lips, the extra effort put into helping or doing something for me starts to settle in. I pick up on it, and I don't think I'm reading wrong signals because it doesn't stop. I don't assume it and then act on it only to be reprimanded or rebuffed, instead I act on it and get confirmation in small ways to keep going. I can tell if a man, in particular, likes something. It's easy to spot the characteristics. They seldom change amongst different males. When I sense it, it's like a pheromone and I have to respond. Then, truthfully, I suppose I don't have to respond, but I like it. I guess I like a few things. Happiness, or excitement. 
Giving someone a warm stare or glazing over them as whole a few times makes a person feel special. 


"Why are they looking at me like that? Is there something on me? Do they like me like…that?" 

Granted, yes, sometimes it can be creepy; 'specially if you really don't like the person back, but if you do--even if you don't know (or didn't think) you did--you'll begin to feel this, this feeling that someone is thinking of you in a deeper way than just on the surface. It's a credible sensation that beats out a lot of others. The second thing I like is power. Not in a psycho Hitler sort of way, but in a sense; the feeling of power rejuvenates the body. They want me. Need me. Want me gone. Want me to come back. Want to slap me or graze their fingers across my mouth. Whatever the desire, it's a sense of control you have in a small part of their existence, and it feels natural. I don't know that I'm not reading too deep into all this stuff, and maybe it's nothing like I say it is, but after the experiences I've had with people, I've come to learn they're fairly easy to comprehend and I take comfort in knowing that. Nevertheless, I hope Sutra keeps taking his hair down and watering his dead cactus-looking plants like the earthy ethnic god he is. I hope he installs his products in my house. LMAO that actually worked so well bc he's like a salesman HAHAHAAHAHHAHA! (◍˃̶ᗜ˂̶◍)ノ”In any matter, that's really all I have for today's juicy drama. Will Erica get the handsome (possibly not even straight) Sutra? Will his hair be as soft and textured as it looks? Can I afford to eat another danish brought to the weekly Staff Meetings? All of these questions and more answered--hopefully--next time on At The Office: A True Story. Until then, everyone keep suicidal thoughts out of your mind, enjoy wherever you are in this weird game of life and remember, most importantly…

*Please, Pink Responsibly.


xx
ERICA

Monday, October 10, 2016

*OMG GOD IS GOOD !!!* At The Office Pt. 1

YOUGUISE!

I got a job!! I GOT A FREAKIN' JOB! 
 
I know, normal Erica really wouldn't care one way or the other but broke-and-begging-my-parents-for-an-allowance-at-21 Erica certainly does. I know you guys may have seen in my previous post YIKES that I really really dreaded interviews and the whole aspect of job hunting but it finally paid off!
It all happened last week Friday. After a night of rendezvousing with a total trash-bucket of a man (he apparently has a daughter and is getting back with his baby mama, LMAO I know how ghetto & cliche) I woke up and got ready for an interview I had at 12:30p. Understand, I reluctantly prepared for this interview because--and I know it's negative but--I have gone to over 20 interviews in the past 7 months all with the promises of a call back or second interview and all turning up nothing but dead-ends and disappointments. I literally felt so depressed; I was running out of my expensive Sephora-purchased makeup and I didn't have the money to replace it let alone waste it on yet another interview. I had just gone to an interview like 2 weeks prior to this one and it had ended with the interview-lady literally saying, and this is a direct quote "Wow, you have thoroughly impressed me, definitely stay close to your phone we should be calling you back for a second interview soon!" all to receive an email the next day saying "Thanks but we picked someone else". I was trying so hard to be professional and I gave a heartfelt appreciative respond email saying "Thank you for your time, hope you have a wonderful week, blahblahblah" but inside I was typing 'Thanks for wasting my time and my gas you stupid bitch'. It was all I could do not to send that message but I fought the urge and sent the polite email instead. I was pretty discouraged after that one and I just felt like what is EVEN the point anymore but I kept sending out resumes and hoping for the best. That's when I got a response. The message came from someone we'll call--for the sake of some privacy--The Boss, and they were asking if I could come in for an interview. I definitely felt that twinge of anger and disinterest because of my previous experiences but I tried to force myself to be okay with it. Plus, I send out about 20 resumes a day and only ever get about 3 callbacks a week so I couldn't really turn this offer down, especially with my parents breathing down my neck every 5 seconds badgering me on whether or not I had a job yet. So, with everything in me, I replied that I could meet and that I'd see them Friday at 12:30p just as requested. Friday morning, I was a little hungover from the night before with TrashBucketBoy. I really didn't want to go to the interview still and thought about blowing it off, but I knew my parents would talk me to death with stupid lectures on why I'm lucky to live for free in their home and nothing sounded as awful as that. Plus I really didn't want to stay with TBB. He is such a garbage dump (and so was his house) that I really didn't want to stay there a second longer so I cleaned up his place, took this cool bottle of Cognac he had and dipped out. I drove to the interview in about 20 minutes and once I parked out front I sat there, staring at the building thinking what if I just drove away? Would it really be so bad? How can I even be sure this isn't another dud interview with the promise of more only to turn up absolutely nothing? I contemplated leaving for a few more minutes but with 12:30 rounding the corner quickly I rolled on some of my Mystic Hindu Perfume, put on my most genuine smile and braved what was to come. When I walked in all I could think about was my irritating parents, constantly nagging and complaining about how I don't help my family or do anything. I wanted this job so badly I could taste it and, when a handsome metro guy walked out, with the most beautiful head of wavy, shiny brown hair and quaintly but warmly greeted me I already felt I could actually stomach this place. This man we're going to refer to as Sutra, and seriously his hair--among other great things--was from the gods. It was long; like mid-back-length and milk chocolate in color. He had mermaid waves in it which could easily put the Wen Hair Commercial models to shame and he was dressed very well. He told me to wait on the black suede couch that was adorned with a single pillow screen printed with a puppy. It wouldn't be my choice of decor but it was still a charming little waiting area. Only a couple seconds after I sat down a gorgeous tall blonde Ukrainian-looking woman with an accent to match came out wearing a form-fitting maroon dress. At first I was like…this job is for a secretarial position right? Because judging by her look I felt like I was on a go-see for Ford Model Management. A, is what we'll call the model-looking woman and she promptly shook my hand and led me to the back office where The Boss was. The Boss was raven-haired man with a chiseled face and slight stubble. He too looked like a model and I really began to feel confused. All three of the people I'd just met were striking in beauty and I thought I was interviewing at a construction company so I was like what? At my old construction-secretary position the people I worked with were literally exactly what you'd expect from construction-office-workers. Frumpy, unkempt, average and (if applicable) married by the skin of their teeth. Everyone except the Vice Presidents of course. They were all gods. But the people I frequently worked around were total 1-4's on a Hot Scale of 1-10. That's kinda how I schmoozed my way through everything, I just showed up looking pretty and everyone seemed to let me get away with things because they were like well she brings us more attention because she's good to look at so who cares. This was NOT the case at this company. I'm not sure if there are more people working there that I just didn't meet but MAN O MAN the people I did meet were all gorgeous. I was like O_O… Oh. So anyway, back to the story… So The Boss firmly shook my hand but quickly returned to scribbling on his papers. He briefly looked up at me and smiled or asked me a few questions while keeping his eyes glued to his computer but he tried to look interested. Noting his body language I felt like I was just another straw in haystack to him; like he had literally interviewed 20 other girls like me that day and was just ready to be done. A sat at an identical desk right beside him. She wore a chic diamond band on her ring-finger and was the only other person in the office where The Boss was which made me wonder if the two were husband and wife. Which would be completely fitting considering the two of them were both stunning. I honestly couldn't believe they were in a line of work that I'd consider boring and ugly. They seemed more like the editors of Vogue or Fashion Week coordinators. I sat on the couch in this office which faced their desks. Like I said The Boss asked standard questions like where I was from and where I went to school but A  did most of the interviewing. She asked my previous job experience and what all I was and wasn't capable of. I answered as well and as honestly as possible but all I could hear in my head was my parents saying "Make sure you tell them you can do anything" and "Don't wear that shirt if it hasn't been ironed or they'll think you're messy". I didn't want to lie to A + The Boss and tell them I was Jesus Christ and could never screw anything up but I didn't want to sound like I wasn't capable of doing what they needed. I've always gone into interviews confident because I'm a very articulate individual and I almost always do research on the company beforehand so I have something to talk about when I go in. My parents, however, have filled my head with worries (whether intentionally or not) because I hadn't gotten any callbacks from all the interviews I was going on and I guess they chalked it up to me not knowing how to correctly approach an interview situation. I told them I knew what I was doing but they were thoroughly convinced it was in some way my fault every time. Because, y'know, it couldn't possibly be that the people were assholes or just looking for someone with a Bachelor's Degree. So while I was being interviewed by A half of me was trying to do my best while the other half was just trying not to screw up. A seemed sort of impressed but I don't know she's European and they don't seem to get as smiley as Americans (or at least from what I've experienced). The Boss smiled a lot but like I said he hardly looked at me and I usually use that as an indicator on whether I'm doing well or not, so i was completely at a loss. I also didn't get to ask the questions I usually ask; y'know the ones that make me sound like I actually did due diligence on finding out more about them, because everything I could think of A already began to say. When I wanted to ask what exactly they Remodeled, she started saying "So our company remodels…" when I thought about saying "What all would I do" she kept talking saying "Anyway, what we'd have you do is…" I felt like all I was doing was nodding like a retard and smiling, every now and then interjecting with a "Right" or an "Yes, exactly". It was horrible and I thought (as pessimistic as it sounds) that they were unimpressed and unexcited with my interview. I kept on smiling and finally A told me "Well, Erica, we like you but we are in the early stages of interviewing so we will let you know sometime next week whether it's a yes or a no." and then she smiled. I thanked her for everything and then I turned to The Boss and smiled at him. That's when The Boss stood from his desk (the first time during the whole time I met him) and smiled widely, literally grinning from ear-to-ear and shook my hand firmly. I prayed to God my hand wasn't too sweaty and I told him "The Boss, it was a pleasure meeting you". Something about saying pleasure makes people feel better than saying it was Nice to meet them, I've noticed. Then I turned to A and told her the same thing. When I was shaking A's hand I could still feel The Boss smiling behind me. I felt happy but I wasn't positive this meant anything. After all I'd been to thousands of interviews where everyone was all smiles and handshakes only to get nothing. Zilch. Nada. So, after our final goodbyes I turned and left the room, pulling the door almost-shut behind me. When I left, I softly called out and said "Bye, Sutra" and I could tell he was smiling because he sort of chuckled and said "Bye!" I wasn't sure he knew it was me saying goodbye and I wasn't confident he remembered what I told him my name was but I felt good knowing I remembered his and I think he was pleased as well. I left feeling very excited and hopeful that i might be considered for the position. When I got in my car I drove away smiling, excited for the possibility and then I went home. When I told my parents they were happy but they just wanted to know when I would hear from them again. I relayed the message A gave me and they replied saying "Ok, well let's just be positive and wait for next Friday". I made myself lunch, hung with the family and then took a nap for 7 hours. I hadn't realized how tired I was from my time with TBB and how I was still a little hungover but once i lied down in bed it hit me like a ton of bricks. Sleeping was a good way for me to pass the time and not listen to my parents yell at me for something so I didn't think about getting up at all. But then, after my 7-hour slumber I rolled over and saw I had some SnapChat messages. I thought they might be from this guy I like (not TBB don't worry) so I grabbed my phone and scrubbed my eyes so my vision would clear up. When I looked closely I realized it wasn't just messages from SnapChat but a missed call and a voicemail! My eyes INSTANTLY cleared and I read the little info beneath the message. My iPhone said "VoiceMail Message: Maybe The Boss" which it does when it recognizes a number but I don't have it saved into my contacts. I LITERALLY JUMPED OUT OF THE COVERS AND GRIPPED MY PHONE FOR DEAR LIFE literally bringing it so close to my face that the glass steamed up from my breath. I slid the message which unlocked my phone and listened to the voicemail. A was telling me  to give her a callback ASAP but didn't say why. I was confused but I was like, is this an offer? I mean WHY ELSE would she need to call me?! I told my parents right away and they said she was probably going to offer me the job. I kept doubting it though asking "Why would she tell me that I definitely wouldn't know 'til next weekend and then call me back on the SAME DAY offering me a job?!" but my parents kept reassuring me saying "I don't know but you're hired". So I went back, called A and left a voicemail. The next day, after I hadn't received a callback from A, I checked my email to see if anything had transpired. That's when I saw an email from The Boss titled Offer. Tears literally welled up in my eyes.
 I clicked it and the message read "Erica, it was nice meeting with you today. We'd like to offer you the position". I actually screamed, then I slammed my laptop shut, jumped up and ran to tell my parents.
They were excited, I was ecstatic and the whole rest of the day was wonderful. Finally, everyone, after 7 long months of unemployment and selling some art here and there but mainly relying on my parents, the horrible journey is over. I have a job; and even though 8 hours of my day is now lost for now and into the foreseeable future, I am working again. I have money now. I have freedom from my irritating-ass mother and father. I can finally start making moves again to save my money and move out! I am so so thankful to God and I am going to do my best to be the absolute best, top-notch employee of the year this company has ever seen. So, get ready everyone. I start my first day tomorrow,  and I'm really stoked for what the day will bring. I might even enjoy this position, who knows! So, until then, everyone have a great day! I hope your life is going ok and I hope you're making moves to get what you want! Until next time everyone, be blessed, give your best and remember,
*Please, Pink Responsibly.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

#twinning.

Awwh hey you!

   So, just last week I finished one of my all time favorite pieces; #twinning.


Lately I've been on this huge anime stint because the more I practice the better I get and I've always had a huge fan-girl relationship with anime. To be completely honest, I don't like anime cartoons. Other than super girly ones like Squid Girl and Sailor Moon, I never enjoyed the plots of anime.
I've also just never been really interested in cartoons, because I always felt they were so childish and even though I love drawing cartoon-style pieces, watching an actual cartoon has never been fun for me. In fact I think I can list my top favorite cartoons on one hand and I didn't watch every episode of these shows, only when there was nothing else on. In any matter, back to this piece. I started my obsession with learning to draw anime when I first did DesuDesu. She went SO well that I figured I could really get into drawing some more pieces like this. If you read the post on DesuDesu you'll see that I used clothing I actually want to buy someday and incorporated that into the picture. Using that same method, I decided I would create two girls and I would dress them up in cute clothing that I got the inspiration from via my top rated clothing stores. I started out first with the base of the girls. I drew one girl a little closer the left of the page and then, using a ruler, I draw a few long lines to the right side. With these lines as a guide I started to draw the second girl. Usually it takes a little time perfecting the length of the legs and torso, and the size of the head but once I've got it down, creating a second body is cake. Really the second body (if I'm drawing one) is just a copy of the first, that I end up touching up a bit to make it its own. 

Next I tried to think of a way to connect the girls and have them sort of be sisters; especially because I knew the title early on would be called Twinning or SisterSister or something and I wanted them to be connected without making them look exactly alike. That's how I came up with Cream the Cat. I thought to myself, *hmm* what if I drew a kawaii & fluffy little animal that the two girls could be holding and it could be like the two sisters shared this cute pet! I realized that a kitty was the best choice but the cat couldn't be skinny. Because y'know a fat pudgy cat is definitely cuter. I redrew the cat like 3 times before I had his adorable little fat body down perfect and once that was complete I gave him a swirly little tail to mimic a cream swirl (hence the name Cream) and the drawing was ready for the next step! After the body outline was complete I moved on to the clothing and hair. That was not only the easiest part but also the most fun! I gave Mika (right) straight hair and low bangs. All I could think of when drawing her hair was the color choices I'd have and that made me so overly excited I just want to get started before it was even ready. Keena (left) was given wavy hair, because like I said the two girls are twins but I didn't want them to be identical, and what better way to differentiate these two than with their hair? After that came wardrobe. I love putting cute clothes on my girls because it's like playing fashion designer. I may not have the cash at the moment to buy a bunch of new clothes but I can certainly glam up my drawings by drawing out my dream get-ups on them! I started with Keena's look. I knew I wanted to make her the sexier sister considering she had the most innocent looking face. Mika looked sexier in the face which is why I gave her a more baby-doll ensemble. I didn't want to make it obvious by giving Keena a sweet outfit and face and then Mika sexy & sexy, so I switched it up. I started by giving Mika a sweet fuzzy crop sweater. I got the idea from a little top I saw on Romwe and I made it pink because duh you can never have too much pink. I used light squiggly strokes of my Prismacolor Marker to make the fuzzy texture and it actually ended up looking really legit. Then I gave her an adorable crop top adorned with little hearts. After that I picked a pair of jeans because I debated a skirt for a while but I knew Keena would be wearing a skirt and I just really didn't want two skirts. I liked the idea of variety and even though I could've done like a tennis skirt which is flowy, I really felt like I should do jeans. I contemplated high waist but Mika's tummy was so cute and I wanted to give her a belly ring so I gave her regular-waist jeans. In real life I would NEVER wear or condone the wearing of a pair of regular-waist jeans but it worked well for the picture. Seriously, can I stress this? I hate regular jeans. 


No, scratch hate--loathe. There's something wrong with them, actually everything's wrong with them, they're so ugly. They don't flatter the female body whatsoever and they just make the legs look short and the torso abnormally long. My distain started around age 16 and I thought it was because I was kinda short (5'6") but then I looked at them on tall girls and I was like nope, no they're just hideous. Anyway I never imagined I would disgrace one of my pieces with a pair or regular-waist jeans but it kinda worked here. So, anyway, the outfits were for sure a success. I was excited to add detail also, so rather than just a skirt I wanted to do the lace up style. I thought the top might be a little too conservative so I added some cutouts and a little side-boob and I think that Really did it. With Keena's look out of the way it was just about adding detail to Mika. I gave her jeans little heart cut-outs at the knees that had bullets punched out all around it. Then her shoes were just going to be strappy sandals but because Keena had on the gladiator type shoes, I didn't wanna mimic that look, so I gave her little pompom tassels instead.

 I decided I'd use the same method I used on her fuzzy sweater to add detail to the shoes' pompoms! 
Keena's knee was never
intended to be this lumpy
and long. She looks like
she has some muscle
disorder but…
*sigh*
Alright, now that the final touches were finished I was ready to start outlining. I used my Micron Pens to do that. I believe I used Micron #05 #08 and #03 to do this piece. The numbers represent the tip sizes, and the higher the number the thicker the tip. I usually use 8 to outline the entire thing like the outer rims of the body and hair etc. then I use the smaller sizes to detail the accessories or the eyes or any other are that's very small and intricate. In this instance I also used a Micron #02 to detail Keena's Thigh tattoo. Outlining is almost my favorite part because it really makes me feel like the whole thing is coming together. The only thing I don't like about outlining, however, is that fact that sometimes I screw it up and the drawing doesn't look as good as a result. Wether it's a result of a shaky hand or lack of focus, a lot of the times when I outline with pen I draw a line too long, or lopsided or crooked or whatever. You can actually see here in this closeup of the final image that I really screwed up Keena's knee. A lot of people think the picture is still fantastic and usually--unless I point it out--they don't even notice it. I do, though and it's almost always such a blaring mistake that it makes me so mad I seriously wanna dramatically overreact and tear up the whole thing. It's really sucky because it's like I'm spending anywhere from 2-5 hours sketching out this perfect image, erasing and redrawing hoping to make something spectacular that not a lot of people have seen or can do or whatever and I end up actually accomplishing that but then I go to draw over it with my ink and it get's f*cked up and I'm like
 WHAT THE FUUUUUUHHH ୧(๑•̀ᗝ•́)૭ ?!?!!?
It's definitely horrible and it can really be discouraging but I try to solider on and just do the best I can with what I have. So anyway yea, the outlining didn't go as well as hoped and to be honest I think I just need to start going at it a little slower (no naughtiness intended) and taking my time and focusing more. I think I get so excited about the piece that I'm like "I got this & it's about to look so mathematical!" and I end up getting ahead of myself and screwing it up. I guess it's not so bad though because most of the time people are like "Dude I don't see anything wrong with it" and that makes me feel a lot better. Are they lying to me? Are they really vomiting on the inside from the amount of ugly? Only God knows. But I'd like to believe that they really don't see a flaw and that the mistake is only visible to me.

In any matter, after the outline was complete it was time for color. I know I know, hold your applause, but it truly is my all-time favorite aspect of art. In fact if you Visit my Artist's Page you'll see that 99.9% of my art is colorful. I loved color because it tells a story beyond the drawing itself. Picking the right colors not only makes your piece pop but it also helps the viewer get a little understanding of why you did it or what you meant by it. Now don't get me wrong please. I'm not a fussy art snob who looks at some cliche painting of obligatory shapes & streaks and thinks *insert snobby Euro accent* "Why yes, yes I truly see that this piece is a blatant representation of the bludgeoning of our middle class society". 
I don't look at a piece of work and always assume that the artist had some deep meaning behind why they created the image the way they did and word of advice: you shouldn't either. Lemme let you in on a lil' secret… sometimes we artists just paint something 'cause we can. Or 'cause we're bored, or 'cause we something similar on TV or something that inspired something else etc. It's not always about some underlying hidden message sometimes it's from sheer boredom or random creativity. Not saying all artists are painting off the top of their head like I usually do, just saying a lot of the time that's what's happening. So, when I'm telling you the colors I used represented something I don't mean in a way that means like; I gave her a red skirt because when I was kid my mom bought me a red skirt, I mean I pick the colors in a way that's going to *hopefully* fascinate and intrigue people. Keena, I gave blonde hair because it seemed the most beautiful. I began with the idea of black, but after I decided I wanted her to be wearing a black top (which was originally going to be red actually) I realized I didn't want the two to blend so I knew that was out of the question. Then I thought about red, but after realizing the skirt would be a blood-red (which I had presumed I would make Navy Blue or Hunter Green) I knew that would look way too matchy-matchy as well. Brown seemed like an OK idea but I had already been really set on making Mika's hair brown and even though they're twins I didn't want to give her something to make them look the same as her sister so I knew I couldn't do that either. That's when I realized I would do blonde. I looked at my options and I figured yellow blonde was the most vibrant way to go. I left a few spaces blank to give the appearance of light reflection and voila! The hair was ready to go. Keena's skirt, like I mentioned earlier ended up being blood red. I liked blue and green but because her shirt was black I didn't want to go too dark with the rest of the outfit. I made her gladiator sandals black to match the top and accented it with gold buckles. Finally I gave Keena blue eyes because I had to go classic with her blonde hair. Next came Mika's final color choices. I knew right off the bat I wanted Mika to be wearing pink. The image sort of depicts two sister who're not entirely alike but are still twins. Mika is the sweet-but-really-naughty sister and Keena is the sexy-but-really-shy sister. So I needed to make the outfits and the facial expressions sort of tell that story. Mika's fuzzy sweater in pink was easy to do and, as I said before, I just used light squiggly strokes to mimic fuzz coming off. I made the heart pattern on her top pastel shades of purple and pink and then I gave her light-wash denim for her jeans. I also gave her a naughty little cherry tattoo that reads 'Lucky' to kind of continue the theme of naughty-or-nice? girl and I think it really worked. Lastly, I gave Mika pink&purple fuzz balls on her sandals to continue the look of the top going throughout the whole ensemble (sort of like I did for Keena). Once the two looks felt good and ready I accented Mika with a little bean sprout in the top of her head, sort of making her look like an alien but without being too convincing. After that was all done I began to color Cream the Cat. Cream was quick and easy. He needed to be Frosting related 1) because of his name & 2) because he just looked like a squishy pile of pudding. I actually thought of brown, like pudding, but then I started to feel like that might make him look like poop. With that terrible idea out of my head I started to think about what I would name him just based off the way he looked. I thought of Icing, Frosting (obvi, like my blog), Yogurt, and Pudding but by this point I was more hungry than I was closer to finding a good name. Cake seemed cool but that was the character from Adventure Time and I didn't wanna be a copycat so I continued to brainstorm. Finally, after a few minutes of steaming from the ears, I came up with Cream. I don't know that it's terribly creative but it seemed cool enough and it went well with the way he was drawn. His last  name is officially Swirl (on account of his swirly tail) so his official name is Cream Swirl the Cat. I figured by naming the characters I'd be able to do multiple drawings of them just in different scenarios! I think that if people see a reoccurring character in someone's art they really start to grow accustom to it and they wanna see it more and more. I chose the Prismacolor Marker that was actually titled Cream to color Cream. I also used a soft pink called Blush Pink to give his little swirl some character. He might look like a girl but Cream the Cat is definitely a boy and he loves Keena & Mika the most. So, yes. After all was said and done and everything had it's color, my piece was basically perfect. My dad came in behind me and suggested I draw a cool shape or something behind the girls to give them basically a background to sit in front. I didn't know how to go about executing this so my dad--using a plate, a dipping-bowl and a ruler--drew a cool box shape behind the girls. It definitely looked great and I was so happy with it that I'm glad my dad was actually able to contribute something positive for once! I later used photoshop to fill in the background with a sparkly pastel gradient I found on Google!
 The final product turned out so well you guise I could scream! I am so happy with all the input my family gave me in the final decision making for color and hair and the background my dad drew. I hope to do many more pieces like these and I hope you all love it! Let me know what you think by commenting below!

Until next time!

*Please, Pink Responsibly.







Monday, October 3, 2016

UNIVERSITY ( ᵕ̤ ‧̫̮ ᵕ̤ )

Greetings all!

        I think I'm going back to school! I know, what?! 
After almost 4 years of being freed from the institution of hell I'm diving--or, perhaps plummeting--face first right back in! Am I excited? Well let's get into that. On the one hand, certainly. I miss the camaraderie of the school environment; the friendships that didn't last outside of school but were tons of fun during the semester, the multiplied chances of meeting a hot guy and getting to go on classy Tumblr-worthy dates and especially the fun of actually being good at a subject and really wanting to give it your all. College can offer a lot of perks when it comes to your social life but it also helps advance you quickly and helps round out what exactly you want to do in your life. On the other hand, college is so predictable that it almost hurts my stomach. A lot of the people there--students and teachers alike--are like overgrown middle schoolers and there can still be drama and petty people no matter how hard you try to avoid it. If that weren't enough to make me run for the hills (because I really actually really hate confrontation) the stress of trying to find scholarships or get accepted for Financial Aid, or otherwise pay thousands of dollars in loans is wayyy too much stupid for me to handle. That's really why I don't feel v motivated to attend uni again. I mean when I was seventeen it was alright because I was young and just becoming attractive and I was overly zealous about the attention I would get from my peers, but now I'm 21 and the appeal of being the center of attention has nearly completely lost its luster. Don't get a nigga wrong, I love dressing well and keeping my body healthy and my skin clear but to be honest, the whole flirting with all these guys and acting like a queen B for the girls is so cliche at this point that I feel overwhelmingly tepid about the entire idea. I don't really like people I've discovered, and it feels like a mixture of social anxiety mixed with a short-patience span. I don't like being told what to do and I certainly don't like people who pretend for me. If you don't like me, let's talk. If you do, cool. Otherwise stay out of my way. It's not very Christian of me but thank God I'm forgiven for my commonly shitty attitude. 

In any matter, 
I don't feel like completely draining your day of joy so let's move on from this discussion shall we? 
University doesn't sound great but the whole reason behind me going is actually so that I can take theater, and major in the arts. I want to be an actress which isn't something I've told a lot of people just yet. Basically around 13 when I was labeled class-clown and funny man (er, woman) I realized I really wouldn't mind a life in showbiz. I thought about hosting my own show like an interview type show like Oprah has or maybe a comedic thing like Jimmy Kimmel. I wasn't entirely sure I just knew I really would love to be in front of the camera. This little dream of mine was diluted after awhile because I didn't think the reality of me actually becoming famous could happen, so I moved on to what I knew and something I was confident I knew how to do well; draw. I love art, don't get it twisted. It's something that helps free my mind and honestly, drawing something from scratch that came purely from my imagination right onto a piece of paper feels so magnificent that I can't explain it. That said, art isn't what I love. It's just not. I love having the talent to draw great pieces, I love the amazement I see in peoples eye's after viewing what I've done but being an artist really isn't what I want to do with my life.  I want to act. I want to preform on stage, film, television, anything! The idea of not only being an A-lister in Hollywood but also portraying an array of different complex characters makes me so excited I feel it in the tips of my hair. Sometimes, when I'm sitting out here in the sunroom typing here on Mm! Frosting I close my eyes and I picture myself learning new stunts for an upcoming action thriller with Tom Cruise or practicing my lines with Channing Tatum for a new feel good comedy debuting the following year and I actually scream. I am so so ready for all this and more and going to school seems like a pretty good first step for me. It can't hurt, to be on the road to having a degree which just makes my resume look more prestigious all while secretly checking off goals on my list to becoming an actress. I absolutely have confidence that I have what it takes to be successful in Hollywood and now it's just a matter of figuring out what path to take to get there. I haven't told a lot of people this dream, like I mentioned earlier, mainly because I've done that sort of thing before and it makes me look bad. You know, you have this off the handle idea and you really think you'll make a go of it and suddenly you aren't anywhere near the goals you'd set and it's already been a year and a half and everyone's looking at you like "bruh, weren't you going to do/be blah blah blah" and you're awkwardly smiling trying to pretend you're still making moves when you've secretly abandoned the idea entirely and just haven't told anyone yet. Yeah, that was me literally 2 years ago. I was on this huge fashion stunt where I convinced myself I would be a clothing designer, but after realizing how boring and tedious sewing could be and how teeth-clenchingly costly the startup of a business was, I timidly backed out of the position. Now I'm still having to answer questions asked by old friends on "What ever happened to that clothing thing you were doing" and "How's the clothing line coming". It's so awkward because I even asked a few local girls I knew if they would be interested in modeling for the brand and they were like OMG YES and now if I ever see them I kinda do this thing where I duck my head and hope to God they don't see me. Of course, when they do--and they always do--I'm stuck giving half-assed basically-a-lie answers like "Girl, production is just running so slow, but hopefully things will be up again soon" or "The creative director (aka my best friend) and I have been having a lot of differences and right now the startup is on hold." or something to that effect. The latter of which is true, Kara and I did have disagreements mainly because she didn't really want to do anything she just wanted to be able to say she was co-owner of a company. I can't blame her though, the whole idea was mine to begin with and I sort of sucked her into it because she was my bff and she had to LOL. Now that that fantasy has died I really don't want to go at it again with this new acting career. Of course, acting is nothing like  the fashion designer gig; I'm actually passionate about becoming an actress. I know it's not something I'll easily give up on or find too difficult to accomplish. In fact, whatever it takes I'm willing to do (besides sell my soul/self obviously) because I really really want/need this for my life. I'm the kind of female with rather expensive taste and I know that the lifestyle of a movie starlet is so lucrative that I'll be able to afford the exact kind of life I see myself having and then some. I'll be able to finally give freely to charities and my church and other churches and maybe even get to do some missionary work on my down time! I'm mostly excited about giving money to my mom and my siblings and helping increase their lives tremendously but mainly I'm just so over-the-moon excited about movie premieres and red carpet events. My whole social calendar will be filled and I'll be signing autographs and taking pictures with thousands of people who don't really know me but somehow still love me, or at least the characters I portray. I think that being a pretty-small-town girl for 21 years is going to help me because I'm really going to appreciate all the glitz and glamour that come with this career. I feel like a lot of actors/actresses are totally burned out from all the years and years of being in showbiz, because a huge majority of them have been doing it since they were kids. With me, though, I've always lived a paycheck to paycheck life. My parents rarely had to say no to things I wanted but it was because they either put it on a credit card or worked like dogs to get it. Even now, as I write this my parents, who're in their 50s, are struggling to make ends meet, and even with their military/disability checks they still don't have jobs and don't have more than what it takes to cover our bills. I don't want that for myself. I want so much more than that. I want to pull my family from these trenches and more than anything I want to ensure that I myself and my future children never ever have to live that way. I never want to worry about school tuition, food, mortgage, taxes, health insurance any of it. I never want to argue every day with my spouse like my mom does because we have practically no money and it's draining our relationship and putting us at odds with one another. I never ever want to hate my life and my situation and trust me, I know first hand that having no money will do absolutely that. I refuse to be average or below it. I want millions, I'm worth millions and I deserve millions. Hell, if anyone deserves it it's me. So I'm done complaining, wallowing, pacing and staying stagnant. I'm going to school, I'm getting a job and I'm making moves to be everything I know I can and will be. & like I said earlier y'know, it's just a matter of time before this girl here is on the cover of your favorite magazines and headlining in your favorite new films. & I'll say it again,when they make my Wikipedia page; I hope they use a picture I like…



until the next time

*Please, pink responsibly.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Happy Belated October 1st

Greetings all °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

   Scratch that earlier remark I made about feeling less pessimistic. 
The job interview went well like I mentioned in my previous post, DesuDesu, but evidentially not well enough considering I didn't get the job. Yes it's October, my absolute favorite month of year--partly because it's Halloween and my mom's Birth month but Mainly because of the magical weather.
Unfortunately, I'm not totally enjoying myself because I'm still unemployed. I'm at this utterly vexing crossroads in my life where I feel physically incapable of working some mediocre 9-5 all while my parents are on the verge of throwing me out if I don't. It's at a point that I feel like I might join the military. What've I got to lose anyway? I'm totally miserable in my current surroundings and I don't see another way out. Let me start this story over, so those of you just visiting can get a better understanding of my situation. I grew up in a close knit family for the most part, with the typical mom-and-dad-hate-each-other-but-are-too-broke-to-divorce scenario. I had an older sister whose job--it seemed--was to make sure to be the most screwed up individual of the family to ensure the destruction of trust from my parents so that when it came time for the rest of us to venture off they would certainly be too scarred to even blink. I'm the second oldest and after me my parents popped out two more spawns. Being second always felt like just that. Too naive or immature to do the things my eldest sister did but of course too old to be childish or given more than 2 chances at screwing up. My little sister was 5 years younger than me and from the moment she could talk she irritated me. I don't remember if I always thought she was annoying or if the distain slowly festered into what it has become but I just remember her always whining and complaining and my oldest sibling did that enough that I really Really didn't need it from the younger one too. Just as I was about to be the first ever 6 year old to commit suicide God saved me because, after 3 years, my parents birthed my final (and favorite) sibling, Roger. My little brother (one of the only people in this world I can stomach for more than a day) reminds me of myself so much. Always did and always will. He's very cool & go-with-the-flow just like I consider myself. He really never complains and just accepts things if they don't go as planned. He doesn't whine and bitch and disrespect everyone like my two sisters. He's not always nice but usually it's after constant prodding from others. That's why I get along with him so well--that and the fact that he's probably the only family member I have who listens to me. My mother and I are close, really close. I definitely admire her and she's shown me (in every case accept her marriage) how to be strong and independent. My two sister's and my Dad can remain unmentioned because I truly haven't the slightly care for them and I will miss them the least when I move out into the world on my own. While on the topic of moving out… I haven't yet and I'm 21. I know lots of people stay at home well into their 30s, I mean heck my own best friend is 25 and still living in her parents garage but they don't seem to care. My parents, on the other hand do. My mom likes my company but I can see the irritation she has for me behind her supportive You-Can-Do-It! attitude. My Dad is the kind of man who wants to do something quickly and not very well as long as it means he'll be finished and back on the couch watching Alien Conspiracies on YouTube soon. He didn't retire from the military and he rarely takes his jobs seriously. I'm not going to say he hasn't had hard times (and after the horrible 8 months I've had hopelessly searching for a new job, I can see how spiritually-draining it can be) but I don't have 4 kids and wife to look after. So basically my Dad just harasses me everyday with Want Ads and CraigsList Posts, shaking his iPad in my face like "Have you found work yet? Because your mother and I are paying all your bills and it's pathetic." He's decided against the sugar-coating method my mom uses by belittling me and repeatedly mentioning how his friends kids or his siblings kids all have MBA's at some Prestigious School of Don't Give a Shit.  I, on the other hand, am a lowly peasant with sort-of-talent and a hard head, according to him. Oh! And don't get me wrong, after I've done something for him and run an errand he was too lazy to do himself he'll definitely be sure to congratulate me on being a "great kid" but when the dust settles and my Car insurance bill comes around I'm back to "a lazy child who takes everything for granted and has no respect". I don't want to say my parents (or my mom anyway) is totally wrong. I haven't been looking for a job as hard as I could, and since February (when I left my old job) I've only applied to like 10 jobs every other day. I guess it's a discouraging combination of feeling like my great work ethic is being undervalued at some stupid company mixed with my underlying desire of being a model/actress but not getting the chance to. I feel somewhat held back by my appearance (because I honestly feel like I look like a monkey without makeup) but it's also not having any money to travel to casting calls, pay for acting lessons or headshots, etc. I was watching a report on Zulay Henao this actress who was apparently in the military for 3 years before leaving, joining acting school and now headlining in major films. That's why I mentioned the Military earlier, it seems like a nice route, considering all my room & board is paid for and I get a lot of side money as well. All I know is I gotta get the HELL out of here. My mom, I'll definitely miss but I know she and I are always gonna be tight. We talk about decorating my future home and throwing swanky cocktail parties with my celebrity friends once I'm ballin'. I know she'll be pleased with whatever I do it's just this process of getting there is so horrible. Anyway here's where everything gets somewhat better but still completely messy and uncertain…
Last year at the end of May I was driving home from that bullshit-job I had when an absent-minded garbage truck driver t-boned into the side of my truck. I didn't die, obviously, and miraculously I had no broken bones or anything. The airbag busted a gash into my lip (which swelled to the size of a ping-pong ball) and tore a chunk of skin off my hand and neck but other than that I was in tact. I've had some reoccurring shoulder/neck pain and sometimes some numbness but the doctor's say I'm doing good. Obviously I wasn't going to let that monkey city-truck-driver wash his hands of the incident so my parents helped me hire an attorney. We sued and now I feel confident that I'm about to come into some money. This money will help me pay off my car (because instead of using the insurance money to get me a new vehicle my parents spent it on bills which meant I had to take out a 7k loan and now I'm slowly paying it off). It's also going to pay for me to go back to college (which I was hesitant about at first but now I couldn't be more excited because I'm going to take Theater while I'm there). I'm also going to use some of the money to pay for cosmetic surgery. I'm finally going to get the nose job I've wanted so desperately since I was 16. Some of the money I'm going to put into a savings account and the rest of the money I'm giving to my parents to help their finical situation a little. All of this sounds so picture perfect, but the reality is that lawsuits take so much longer than you'd expect. It's not as simple as 'You hit me out of the blue so pay me asshole' as one would hope. No, instead it's request after request and the firm changing your case manager 6 times and reasons upon reasons why something Isn't happening or Hasn't happened yet. Finally the firm moved my case to a bulldog litigator named David. I love him. I think I may be in love. LOL. The man actually cares and has been giving me advice on what and what not to say; something my previous amateur attorneys never did. He's working diligently to make my case strong and loud but he's not God and he can't make things move any faster than they're able to. So in the meantime I wait. And wait. And wait some more. And wait on waiting to wait. I try to stress to my folks to just hang in there and in a few months I'll have the money for school, bills, surgery (which will help my acting/model career tremendously) and all the other things they resent me for now. But after 2 months have turned to 6 and 6 months to a year, my parents are growing weary and with their barely-above-average-income status, they can't keep footing the bill for me. My older sister--the spastic one I mentioned earlier--she went and got tied down to some AirForce, Grocery-Store Manager dude with rich relatives so her costly burdensome life has been fully lifted off my parents shoulders. Now it's me and my 2 other siblings and I can just feel how desperately my parents wish I would follow in her footsteps. I mean I remember when my sister was announcing that she eloped my Dad didn't even blink, he was just so over-the-moon with joy knowing he now officially had one less mouth to feed. But turns out he still has me, and I'm apparently the biggest blood-draining leech he's ever known. My mom tries to aide me by saying how my dad just wants me to use my potential to it's fullest but I'm old enough to know the truth now. My heart yearns to make a killing off blockbuster films and magazine covers. To sit on the uncomfortable-looking couch of Jimmy Kimmel and answer all his burning questions and meet celebs like Kimye and the cast of Game of Thrones. All of these things seem so real that when I close my eyes I can actually feel it happening, like I'm Raven having a vision. I've heard that if you can see something happening, like really see it and feel it, it can and will happen. Well I see it. I see it and feel it and God I know it's meant to happen but it's like how? When? Will I be like Morgan Freeman and start at 50?! Will I just get my big break after a few Theater sessions like Sophie Turner?! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO GOD?! The settlement money paving the way for me is so idealistic that it actually hurts my teeth to say it, but because it's so ideal it of course has to be the longest, hardest, shakiest route of all time. Nothing in life is just handed to you, and if it is it doesn't stay smooth with no interruptions. The greatest plans can go wry and the worst situations can turn magically spectacular out of nowhere. That's what I hate about where I'm at right now. I'm living this horribly stressful and draining yet completely (and sadly) common life of an American 21-year-old where I either  
  1. Work like a slave at a crappy, monotone,  dead-end job and make just enough money to pay my bills and maybe go out every other weekend to the same shit night clubs.
  2. Go to college in hopes of finding a higher-paying monotone, dead-end job with added bonus of School Loans to now pay off for the next 12 years.
  3. Continue to egg my parents on for as long as possible to avoid working again but have no money and constantly listen to lectures on how I don't contribute to the family whatsoever.
Oh! And the best part? No matter which of the lovely aforementioned options I choose, I will STILL have to be living at home, with my mom and dad and 2 siblings, under their rules and constant arguing. 

Do you see why my life is so grand yet? And I know. I know there's people out their with facial deformities and missing limbs and parents who sodomize them with coat hangers but TOUGH TITTY. I'm not them. I'm me, and even if my situation pales in comparison the extremities I just mentioned, it still sucks. I still wake up feeling lost, and I pray and talk to God but it's not easy when he's up their chilling knowing the end and beginning and I'm down here being smacked in the face Daily with negative thoughts, people and surroundings. I do trust God, I do. I just don't know which way is up sometimes. It's like when you jump into deep water and everything is nice because you feel weightless and free and your body is warm but the water is cool and your hair is flowing and you feel a moment of bliss, but then panic creeps in because you're so deep you don't know which direction to swim to get back to the top. When you finally realize how to get out your even more scared because you're swimming and swimming and you still haven't reached the surface. All at once you want to scream but you can't breathe in. That's what my life feels like. Like I'm stuck, drowning. Like my boat is just filling with water and my parents are yelling at me because I'm not doing anything to stop it. I try and tell myself that this horrible journey is going to make for the best book one day, and the coolest story to tell when I'm being interviewed on Good Morning America. I'll tell everyone of how I was home schooled, and how I hated school and how I never wanted to go back to college. I'll tell people aspiring to act that sometimes you can be stranded and feel like there really just is NO hope, but there is. I'll explain how my parents were fed up with me and how I was *this close* to joining the navy or becoming a stripper. How suicidal I felt during the horrible years I worked as a subordinate to other people in the corporate world. Covered in acne and running out of money for the expensive treatments to rid myself of it, when all of sudden I starred in Such&Such Movie. I got signed to This&That Modeling Agency and BlahBlahBlah Cosmetics. And just like a whirlwind I went from nobody to It Girl. From selling magazines at the grocery store to being on the cover of them. From hating myself and my life to finally doing what I've always dreamed of doing.  Being a spokesperson for self-acceptance and love, modeling the latest fashion and going to premieres with my celebrity costars. It's all right in front of me, behind a locked door which I haven't yet found the key to. Waiting on my settlement is like waiting on a dry day in the rainforest. Truthfully, I like to use this metaphor when I explain my situation to people; waiting on my chance is a lot like being sick with the flu. You know that it's not forever. You know that you're going to get better because you always do. You know all the things you're going to do once you're feeling better but you have no idea when. There's nothing that states when the flu ends because it's different for everyone. All you know is that you're not going to die, but that's it. You feel close to it, so SO close to death but you know it won't happen. In the meantime you wait, and wait and feel like the devil's armpit. You cry because you're so tired of this and you just want to be how you know you're supposed to, but you're not. You're stuck. And all there is to do is all you can with what you have and try and hold on for the brightness that floats loosely ahead of you. That's me. I'm sick with this disease of the unknown. Of not know when my acting/modeling career will take off so I just wait, and try not to kill myself at a stupid job I know I won't like until then. Try to keep my skin clear for future modeling while blackheads from stress multiply across my cheeks and forehead. Try to explain to my parents that this acting/modeling career isn't a joke and I DO have a plan and it WILL WORK. Try to stay happy even when all bad things are coming against me. And that's what I'm doing now. I'm using my art and God's Words to channel my anger, fear and uncertainty. I'm writing as often as I can on here to get social and perhaps gain recognition through this outlet. I'm talking weekly with my lawyer to see if there's anything I can do to speed the process along, and making moves and connections with anyone and everyone that is or could be important in the future. I'm keeping my head held up even though life is lashing me in the face. I know all of this is just making for the perfect background, and one day on my Wikipedia page, the write-up on my 'Early Life' section will tell everyone about the story I just shared with you. About my inner struggles, my depression, my feelings of hopelessness and trying to walk the Christian-walk all while still feeling unsure of so many things. I know all this and more is in store for my life, and mark my words I'm GOING to make it happen. You'd better believe me when I say I'm determined. So don't feel sorry for me just yet. Pray for me, send me good vibes, believe with me that I'm going big places. And stay in touch as I post my daily endeavors on my journey to becoming 'Erica Elizabeth, American actress and model". I just hope Wikipedia uses a picture of me that I like… 


until next time,
*Please, Pink Responsibly.

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