Saturday, October 15, 2016

My Hourly Rant - At The Office pt. 3

Hi everyone,

   It's Saturday and I've now officially completed my first week of work.
Things are getting a little more comfortable in the office, and whether or not that's a good thing I've not fully decided yet. Sutra's surfer-body is still in perfect form and just yesterday he was making a little joke about not being sure whether or not I felt comfortable closing the door with just the two of us in his office. Of course I'm freaking comfortable. I'm more than comfortable I'm so so so much more than comfortable Sutra. It's weird though, I saw his Facebook--and this is kind of a side bar but--the guy really Really doesn't seem straight. Seriously. He keeps mentioning how he has a wife and he has a ton of pictures of the two of them on his FB but, IMO, that girl is just his beard. I'm sorry and God Knows I want him to be straight for all intents and purposes but I really, Really don't know if he is. The first clue points at the fact that this guy is seriously a sex god yet his wife is like my left ankle. Maybe he's not as sexy as I'm thinking and I'm just in awe because of his hair, smile, brilliant mind and persona. Maybe--and judging by his older photos (like circa 2009 Myspace type shit) he very well could be considered average. So maybe I'm just beefing him up too high but honestly when I look at Sutra I see he and I having gorgeous long-haired little boys together. I picture him with a total knockout and not that I'm saying I'm that knockout but just saying he looks like he married down. I don't know I hate to sound like a jerk, and I don't want to insult Sutra's fine ass or his wife but she seriously looks like his ugly older sister and not like the sex goddess she should be. The second red flag for me was the fact that Sutra's FB pics showed off that the guy is really into dressing up in girly shit or wearing costume makeup, but often, and posing with his hands on his hips and/or with a leg cocked to one side like some little diva. It's really gay and I hope no one is offended by that comment but seriously I've had enough gay friends in my lifetime to know when a guy is--or at least knows he is but hasn't admitted that he is--gay. Who knows? Sutra may be in a position where his family wouldn't accept him or his friends would be surprised. He may have just lived a metrosexual life his entire time on earth and everyone would be shocked to find out a different truth. Maybe he does it to protect himself but perhaps he's not gay at all. I mention that because I'm coming on my third and final clue which is that the guy's old FB pics kinda indicate that maybe he was just a dork. He had some images of himself as a younger dude like High School - Early College and he's seriously wearing like a fedora and black fingerless gloves. I know, #StabMe. There's nothing more that screams Hot Topic-Loitering, Emotional Dork like black fingerless gloves. He even mentioned to me--and I'm just now remembering this--at work the other day how he liked to write in cursive because it looked better in a journal. My first thought was "OMG lie with me now; you keep a journal?! You're so deep marry me pls I need you" HAHAHA. But now as I've looked at his FB and have already had my suspicions I'm starting to wonder like, really though what guy actually journals? That's really not something dudes do, honestly because they usually just don't care. They don't feel deep enough emotions to write them down so it's kind of like…Hmmmmmm… I don't honestly know how I feel about the whole thing. I want Sutra to be straight so badly it stings. I also want him to be single, and living in my room. Then again, on the long list of things I want and still haven't had yet he's not at the top. OMG I just thought of the fact that Sutra said that to me just the other day. In his sexy playful voice he said something in response to what I was saying and it was like "Really? Hm, you seem like the kind of girl who always gets what she wants" Innuendo?! I HOPE SO! GOD I HOPE SO (۶ꈨຶꎁꈨຶ )۶ I so hope that was an underlying little joke meaning "You always get what you want so I bet you can get me if you really wanted to even though I'm taken. LOL. Am I evil? I don't wanna be. I really don't. I just want to be a normal girl sometimes--rarely, but sometimes nonetheless--who meets an average dork at community college and we both strive to get higher management positions at our garbage day jobs, getting pregnant after a couple smooth years of agreeable marriage and then stay together until death because no one else would want us. Lots of people do that! Hell my own mother and older sister did that! My best friends parents and most of my relatives too! But I can't. It's just not me. A lot of people ask me if I'm seeing someone or dating or in a relationship or married and the answer's always the same. Nope. Never had a serious boyfriend, in fact the last time I had a boyfriend I was 12. Never been serious with any guy ever. Why? Never found one worth my time. The hot ones are either vapid, arrogant, mean or a disturbing combination of the three. The ugly ones are ugly which, #SorryNotSorry, but I can't put up with you just because you cherish me and shower me with gifts and affection if you look like a knee. So, here I am, 21 years old, never had a boyfriend, only had a couple steamy novella-worthy sexcapades and I couldn't be more content. Now, listen, I would be lying if I said I was completely happy. I don't want to be alone when I'm 45, I'd like to have a husband and a few kids someday. I don't want to be some flirtatious vixen my whole life I'd like to be a cute homemaker one day but it just hasn't happened yet. I'm only 21 and I'm okay with waiting to be honest. I still feel like partying and smoking and lightly-drinking so I guess I'm not entirely ready for all that and maybe God knows that and so he's putting work and acting in my path instead of guys. Honestly seeing my parents and my sister and brother-in-law & the other couples I just mentioned I don't know if I ever want a relationship. My sister and my mom prove what a needy ignorant female can look like and I don't wanna do that to myself. My mom gets treated like shit and she would still probably never leave my dad. She needs him. She's a complete vegetable without him and it's absolutely embarrassing. My sister thinks marriage is sunshine and rainbows 24/7 because she's been married to some geek for basically 2 and half hours. She keeps trying to council my parents and be like "Oh Mom, you just need to write down what it is you want out of your marriage and then you'll get it!" I'm like…Bitch. Do you really fucking believe that. Do you REALLY think that all mom needs to do is write down her marriage goals and *blinggg* Dad will stop being a demonically-possessed cock-sucking asshole? HAHAHAHAH I'm DEADD. My parents marriage is garbage and it has been for so long. I don't know that it was ever positive. My mom was a desperate loser who'd been cheated on by most of her boyfriends and my dad was a mental-abused dork who's dad left his mom when he was 8. They were both pathetic when they met and they got married in their 20s most likely because they just liked having sex with each other and now, 32 years later, my mom is fat, balding and constantly enduring verbal/mental torture while my dad is an old, ugly, lazy, bitter piece of shit. I think the two of them would be better off dead and to be blatantly truthful my and my siblings lives would be so much more peaceful without them in it. They drain us of all spiritual peace with their constant arguments and negativity. My siblings hate their lives and it hurts me to see the depressed expressions always on their face. So, long story semi-shortened, I don't think I necessarily ever want to be married. It seems like your whole life turns to a pile of steaming shit and I'm not into it. Maybe that's the real reason I haven't committed to anyone; because my subconscious mind knows I would be utterly depressed if I ever became tied down. I mean hell I have fooled around with married guys, single guys, guys who said they didn't wanna cheat on their girlfriends etc. etc. and I've just noticed that people are too messed up to be good all the time. Could we? Absolutely, I think God makes it possible to always do what's right, but are we going to? HAHAHHA. Doubt it. Anyway, Sutra might be gay, maybe he's just flamboyant and unhappy in his weird more-like-a-friendship marriage and wants to experience something new. Maybe I can be that something new for him. Maybe I'll just mind my business and keep my head down at work and steer clear of Sutra altogether. Maybe. But probably not. I want to touch him. I want to so badly. Even just once. Even if he'd just kiss me and we'd never have to tell anyone. UGH. WHY GOD. On another note, work overall is pretty good. I really love who I work with, everyone is hilarious like me and no one has a stiff, rod-up-the-ass attitude like some employees do. We all joke and laugh and when the owner's are out we're steady laughing and playing around--still doing work--but ultimately having a good time. I put up some cute Halloween decorations too and The Boss thought they were adorable. He loved the creativity and he's even partnered me and Sutra together--bless his heart--to work as the creative department for the company. I'm focusing on writing papers and designing logos right now and it really makes me feel like I'm finally utilizing my skill set at work. It's not just boring cold-calls and filing it's actual work that keeps me busy and challenges me and sparks my interest in a weird way that I never thought could. Sutra being there is Frosting on a moist angel food cake and on top of all that heavenly goodness I also get to wear cute adorable outfits to work like heels and short skirts and they don't get all weird and the other girls in the office dress the same so I don't have to worry about being the only female in the room dressed a little saucily. All in all I hope to God I never lose this job. It makes me happy and it keeps me away from hell aka my home. I hope things get easier for me with Sutra, I hope I stop wanting The Unknown all the time and just learn to be happy with what I've got. Until that day comes, I'll be dreaming of the inappropriate things I'd whisper to Sutra while he teaches me about photovoltaic rays. I hope you guys are happy with your situations too, I hope you're all progressing and getting better and, until the next steamy story…

*Please, Pink Responsibly. 

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