Today the bizarre took place.
I'm not sure what it was about today but it was weird. I went in this morning all bright-eyed and fresh-faced ready to start my Monday right. I was so hoping someone would bring pastries of some form because I skipped breakfast (per usual) and I was starting to regret it. I don't know if it has to do with the Plan B I took after messing around with TrashBucketBoy but something had had my appetite in rare form. I was super hungry this morning and I was thinking about how I really should've scarfed down some cereal when I got the feeling everything would be ok. Suddenly, with supernatural result, one of The Salesman from work brought in a box of donuts for The Salesman Staff meeting. I gleamed when the sugary smell of glaze wafted around the small office space and I knew I had to have one. Three donuts later and I was content at my desk, self-consciously tugging at the hem of my too-short skirt and typing obnoxiously fast for an email. That's when the first bizarro thing took place. The meeting was in full swing when all of sudden Sutra started to get agitated at one of The Salesman, who we're going to refer to as Sultan. Sultan was allegedly fingering the keypad of his phone and completely ignoring Sutra while he gave lecture. Sultan was known for this move but Sutra usually kept his cool. All of a sudden, as I'm innocently typing a note in one of the client's online folders, I hear Sutra stop his sentence mid-word and belt out "Do you really need to do that right now? I'm speaking and you blatantly brushing me off by texting is really insulting". I stared uncomfortably into my computer screen, pretending to click links while the room grew quiet. There were about 4 other Salesmen in the room and they all stayed silent too; gawking incessantly at the awkward outburst. AJ came in from her front desk to help my officemate (who we'll assign with the alias Luigi) with some paperwork and even she ended up desperately fiddling with random files in order to ignore the tension. Sultan's masculinity was challenged and he petulantly went back and forth with Sutra until his pride consumed him and he stormed out of the room. We all remained stagnant as I silently fantasized about Sutra raising his sexy voice at me. I want to kiss him. I wanted to laugh at the roasting but instead I continued as a dutiful slave and finished typing my email. Sutra apologized for the carnage and continued his lecture. The remaining Salesmen leaned in to gather as much knowledge as they could from Master Sutra and he covertly reveled in the fact that he knew more on the subject than they did. I rolled my eyes at his pretentiousness but I slightly loved him for it. After a long while of him discussing the Blah times the This times the That of Those equals Something or Other my mind caught a few buzzwords he'd mentioned and I began to jot them down. Azimuth is the only one that I remember as I write this and so I Googled the definition while he was busy teaching. I knew, eventually, I would have the opportunity to bring up my newly studied word and I knew it would please Sutra to believe that I cared for such a topic. My feeling was right and, somewhere between the 30-35 min. mark of their 7-hour meeting one of The Salesman decided to apologize to me for invading my office space (which doubles as the conference room) for so long. "It's fine" I smiled bashfully, "I'm actually learning a few things…". Sutra looked up from his notes and gazed in my direction; his wild mane tied back into a low knot. "Oh yeah? Like what?" He breathed, a sweet hopeful grin spread across his lips causing the corners of his eyes to crease slightly which turned my knees into cooked spaghetti.
"Oh you know, like, Azimuth ?" I pronounced demurely even though I was absolutely certain I'd pronounced it right.
Sutra's Crest White teeth sparkled and a look of satisfaction and infatuation danced in his eyes.
I wanted to pull at my skirt again for him, but instead I smiled shyly and quickly swiveled my chair around to face my desk again.
Now, there was a TV monitor all the guys were using to review crap for the meeting for and it was plugged into the wall right beside Luigi's desk. There were apparently no available extension cords and there were also no outlets close enough to use either, so one of The Salesmen plugged it stretching across the room into Luigi's wall outlet. This caused the cord to stretch relatively taught from the wall to the back of the TV which in turn forced everyone walking back and forth, in and out of the room, to take huge--literally knee-to-chest--steps over it in order to 1) avoid absolutely eating dirt due to tripping and 2) abstain from ripping the connection from the TV. Luigi clomped over it and AJ did the same, awkwardly landing each foot over the cord. When it came time for me to step over I--being the complete over-thinker that I am--decided it wasn't enough to try and gracefully swing each leg over but instead to do it in the most Fran-Drescher-esque way possible, complete with little hands up and a sweet little *Oof!* every now and again for effect. The Salesmen ate it like Christmas Ham and I knew I was exciting Sutra in the process. I think Sutra wants to stay away from me sometimes, to be truthful. He's afraid of himself and I feel the same way about my own personality. I don't want Sutra to jeopardize his marriage and I certainly don't want to be with a married guy but My God the man is perfect. Anyway, sidebar over. The next time I had to step over I was coming back into the office, trying to reach my desk. Sutra--and the other Salesmen, evidentially all--enjoyed watching me exit the room, with one heeled foot landing over the cord burlesque-style then the other. But I did it slowly for Sutra. He was the reason for the show. When I came back, I began again, keeping my arms up by my side like a Disney Princess and attempting to toss one leg over the cord. When I'd successfully reached the other side I heard a garbled teasing-laugh from Sutra. I looked up quickly and saw him, studying me, my body, the length of my Hindu-oiled legs. I wanted him to like it and I know that he did. Today, Sutra was also wearing a pair of form fitting jeans. Medium/Dark wash and they held his ass so well. I'd never seen Sutra in denim before and I was so happy when I did. Sutra paired his denims with brown leather boots and a basic small-print plaid button-up with the sleeves messily pushed up. A few of the top buttons on his shirt were left undone and I could see small wisps of hair on his chest. Normally this would make me gag, but for Sutra, it added to his earth-god persona. Sometime's Sutra seems to flirt with me, and say little things to make me feel like it's not just me wanting him so badly and yet all the same he acts like I'm his lesbian-cousin/business partner. I think he catches himself dreaming of inappropriate things he'd love to whisper to me someday and it scares him. He thinks 'I'm getting way too friendly with this girl I need to chill' and so in one instantly his warm glow will become rigid and cold. I want to touch Sutra in a few areas, like the small of his back, the arch of his nasal bone and the back of his neck. When I touch the back of his neck I want it to be with all five fingers, wrapping gently around the shaved hair beneath his long knots and pulling his mouth onto mine. I dream of his Yoga-toned chest, with it's adornment of hair and sculpted biceps hovering over a skillet as he prepares a vegetarian breakfast for the two of us.
I can see his wild locks draping over his bare chest and shoulders as he tries to make a joke out of a boring topic like Photons and Tax Credit reduction.
I'm not sure how healthy it is for me to work around him but I've no other choice at the moment. So, in any matter, my day goes by and I keep myself occupied with tasks, hoping I don't tremor with desire for my Practically-Boss when the next totally bizarre thing took place. So, 2:45 or so rolls around and I'm nearing the end of my lunch break. I was finishing up my home-packed salad and sweetly flirting with a young Salesmen boy we'll call Red. He was entertaining enough and had a heavenly-sculpted nose. I wasted the rest of my break away giggling and playfully taunting Red, all the while wishing it was Sutra instead, when AJ walks by me. Her perfect chest aptly bouncing in her modest teal business-casual blouse and her unflattering 3-inch black pointed pumps patting against the flat office-carpet. I looked up and we exchanged pleasant smiles and she continued on to her desk. Red and I wrapped up our banter, I punched back in on my TimeCard and proceeded to my desk for my final few hours of work. After about 25 minutes the salad, the donuts, the 4 glasses of water and the 3 cups of coffee I'd downed began to churn away in my bowels. I felt a movement coming so I stood in the most ladylike-but-still-need-to-shit way I could and excused myself. When I walked to the front I noticed AJ's computer monitor was shut off and her purse was gone. All her files were put away but her Coffee Thermos was still there. I questioned her location but nature's call was more important. When I grabbed the bathroom key I thought, Hmm, if the key is here, AJ must not be in the restroom? I clicked down the glossy stone stairs and into the next Suite where the bathroom was located down a hall. When I came upon the door I saw that it was locked and the light and fan were on. If the shit wasn't already bubbling in my intestine it was now. I paused, unsure of what was happening so I went back and discussed my findings with Luigi. At this rate The Boss' wife A was already aware of AJ's sudden departure and she was just as confused as the rest of us. Luigi explained how A was clearly not happy with the surprise and had attempted to reach AJ 3 or 4 times with no response. I began to panic and Luigi suggested I see if AJ was passed out on the toilet or something. I clicked back down the stairs, down the hall to the restroom again this time knocking loudly and repeatedly to try and wake AJ if she really were knocked out. When I didn't hear any noise I crouched down on my hands and knees and peaked under the slit of the door. There were no feet, no hands not body at all. I decided to take care of my own intestinal situation and then came back into the office. AJ had not retuned and at this point no one could get a hold of her through text, call email or anything. When Sutra saw the worry in my brow he bit a small piece of his bottom lip then reached down and tapped his phone screen to life. "Here, look" he calmly said placing the device gently into my palms. "I text her, and now we'll just wait to see what she says. I'm sure it was an emergency with her kid, everything's fine." I didn't care that badly about what had happened to AJ because her car was gone which indicated to me that she may have just cracked and quit but Sutra was being so attentive to my mood that I squeezed the "I'm scared, hold me!" card of every last drop. Sutra's intuition was somehow on-the-nose because 15 minutes later, AJ texts back saying exactly Sutra's prediction--that there was an emergency with her kid. The stranger things began to die down after we discovered AJ's location, but Luigi continued to fill my mind with conspiracies that pertained to the previous events. "Why would she leave without notifying a single soul?! Why would she need to rush and pick up her kid from daycare at 3 o clock when DayCare Centers don't close until 5 or 6? How come no one could get a hold of her not even A??" All these questions--which were already prevalent in my mind--began ringing louder as Luigi pressed on. Finally Sutra told me to continue working and not worry about what happens when/if AJ ever comes back. I obeyed him and the rest of my day was peaceful and smooth. Now it's midnight and I'm off to dreamland again before the rooster crows at 6am. I haven't decided what I'll wear yet and I haven't figured out how I'll handle the possibility of a new replacement for AJ or possibly being her replacement myself. I don't want to think about that, in all honesty, right now. I really like AJ she's nice and patient with me and makes me laugh hysterically. She's not fake from what I've seen and she seems to really know the business. I hope everything can be settled with her but if something else happens, of course you'll be the first to know. So, as we come to the conclusion of today's steamy mystery we find ourselves asking the ultimate questions. Will Erica get her chance at an illicit closet-romance with her eco-friendly sorta-boss Sutra? Is Sutra really even heterosexual? Will there ever be a work environment I'm in where the men salivate over a chocolate bunny like myself? Will AJ be back or is she gone for good? What exactly happened today??! ALL THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE ANSWERED (hopefully) next time on AT THE OFFICE: A TRUE STORY. And, until then of course,
*Please, Pink Responsibly.