So it's day two of my new job. I feel ok, not completely suicidal. The job is still a Job and it's not at all what I want for myself but, it's money. I'm trying to look on the positive side of things of course. The office is always cozy and nothing like Hunt where there was constant foot-traffic and unbearable temperature conditions. I remember one of my associates JMorgan was always sweating like a hog and we'd always have to keep the temp on 20 degrees below frozen so his ass wouldn't keel over. I'm not particularly thick so body heat isn't something I've got to spare. I was always shivering with like 6 jackets and he didn't seem to mind, and of course all the other flunkies acted like they were too afraid to wake the sleeping giant when it came to touching the thermo or something. I honestly resented them for that. Anyway at this new place they don't hassle me and no one acts like I'm a monkey even though 89% of the time I feel like I'm fumbling over the same thing. Sutra comes in every day. (you can read about him here). Apparently he lives in the sister city of mine. Every time I want to focus I start to think partially of reaching out and grazing his tangled waves. He behaves kind of obnoxiously and his jeans are always very tight (completely apropos to his city) but he has an excellent set of hands that are almost as grand as his intellectual mind. Although idk… he--and The Boss actually, both--keep pronouncing the word lackadaisical as lacksadaisical and I'm like…
THERE'S NO S AFTER THE 'LACK' PART.
But, of course, I really say nothing because y'know I'm not the owner of a cool company or anything so who am I to correct anyone. LOL. I honestly don't want to sound like a spoiled brat. The job occupies my time and I feel good knowing I'm actually involved in this position, not just answering the phone. I like doing this job as far as boring jobs go, but I'm still daydreaming of acting as I direct a phone call or call and find the status of a claim.
I dream of Sutra dressing in a tux with that Holy Hair of his spilling over the sharp structure of Armani and standing behind me while I accept a Grammy. My dress is probably a long sleeve creation from Berta and my hair is sleeked back bringing attention to my cheekbones. I see it but then just as suddenly I'm back, wiping non-existent drool from the corner of my mouth and pressing Scan on the Fax Machine. It's a nice place to think about my life. I dream of all the things to come but I don't mind the people really either. Everyone's been nice to me so far, and even the gorgeous Russian A is being sweet. She looks prone to dagger your self esteem just for being inferior to her tall dainty perfection but nope, even she is actually really chill. The Boss, I'm not sure. He really seems all business. Sometimes I see a look of joy in his eyes but mostly it's numbers. Seriously when I look into his face sometimes I feel like I'm seeing those green numbers on like a Matrix code thing just flashing by, continuously moving and updating and rearranging. It's so tiresome. I think he's happy because his wife, A, seems to fall in line for the most part. I think that the two of them really do work together to build more within their business, rather than argue or disagree. Then again, looks can be deceiving…
In any matter, the other people I work with are: The Main Admin. who I'll call Admiral Jenner. I really like AJ. She's been very nice to me so far and has let me ask a million questions whenever needed. She doesn't get easily annoyed or frustrated or act like I should know how to do everything already. She also doesn't seem to mind sharing the whole Admin. role. I'm allegedly known as "Assistant Office Admin." and she's the main. She seems to be chill and not at all territorial like most females try to. The first day I was there she had on this deep-olive little number from Forever21 and I totally swooned. I guessed the brand right away basically because it was too cute to be owned by any other podunk store around these parts. She seemed kinda impressed--or maybe weirded out, idk--that I knew where she'd bought it. She was like *awkward laugh* 'wha? Huh? How did you know!' and I just explained to her what I just told you; too cute…podunk stores…etc etc. She and I get along well and I'm praying it stays this way during the duration of my time with the company. I want to lay w/ Sutra on his yoga mat. Did I mention that? What! See! There those darned thoughts go again!
|*That feeling when I'm thinking of Sutra|
Stay willy thoughts! Stay! Uggh I'm doing it again. Just as I began to finally fade the garbage memory of TrashBucketBoy another married one comes along looking just as delicious and sweet as the Forbidden Fruit itself. I mean I think he said he has a wife and he's wearing this ring so it's like ugh *knife emoji* *coffin emoji* but… I try to be positive.
Sutra offers me raisin cookies and I playfully reject them partially because I don't want to burst out my already too-tight high waist American Apparel denims but mainly because I want to push the flirtatious boundary with him as much as I can before it becomes a matter of HR. Salesboys do it enough with me with no regard for S.H. Suits. But DAMNIT it always has to be the hire ups that are daddy asf. *SIGH* C'est la vie. What can be done? All I can do is take a few extra minutes in the restroom standing in front of the sink telling myself to just be cool. Self-consciously adjusting and readjusting my hair and dress. On a brighter note: At least I'm getting money. I have to remind myself of that constantly and not concern myself with anything else. I try to stay in my own lane but everytime I get hired somewhere this playful little presence in me starts to trot herself out. I start off being quaint, but after the stares, the subtle licking or biting of the lips, the extra effort put into helping or doing something for me starts to settle in. I pick up on it, and I don't think I'm reading wrong signals because it doesn't stop. I don't assume it and then act on it only to be reprimanded or rebuffed, instead I act on it and get confirmation in small ways to keep going. I can tell if a man, in particular, likes something. It's easy to spot the characteristics. They seldom change amongst different males. When I sense it, it's like a pheromone and I have to respond. Then, truthfully, I suppose I don't have to respond, but I like it. I guess I like a few things. Happiness, or excitement.
Giving someone a warm stare or glazing over them as whole a few times makes a person feel special.
Granted, yes, sometimes it can be creepy; 'specially if you really don't like the person back, but if you do--even if you don't know (or didn't think) you did--you'll begin to feel this, this feeling that someone is thinking of you in a deeper way than just on the surface. It's a credible sensation that beats out a lot of others. The second thing I like is power. Not in a psycho Hitler sort of way, but in a sense; the feeling of power rejuvenates the body. They want me. Need me. Want me gone. Want me to come back. Want to slap me or graze their fingers across my mouth. Whatever the desire, it's a sense of control you have in a small part of their existence, and it feels natural. I don't know that I'm not reading too deep into all this stuff, and maybe it's nothing like I say it is, but after the experiences I've had with people, I've come to learn they're fairly easy to comprehend and I take comfort in knowing that. Nevertheless, I hope Sutra keeps taking his hair down and watering his dead cactus-looking plants like the earthy ethnic god he is. I hope he installs his products in my house. LMAO that actually worked so well bc he's like a salesman HAHAHAAHAHHAHA! (◍˃̶ᗜ˂̶◍)ﾉ”In any matter, that's really all I have for today's juicy drama. Will Erica get the handsome (possibly not even straight) Sutra? Will his hair be as soft and textured as it looks? Can I afford to eat another danish brought to the weekly Staff Meetings? All of these questions and more answered--hopefully--next time on At The Office: A True Story. Until then, everyone keep suicidal thoughts out of your mind, enjoy wherever you are in this weird game of life and remember, most importantly…
*Please, Pink Responsibly.